i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
