is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
