oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize