I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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