I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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