It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
