I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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