do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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