I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think people are normalizing furries
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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