:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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