I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
