Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
