is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
