I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
