My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize