I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
