I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
