Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
