i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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