Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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