I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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