girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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