Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
