we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You may now shotgun with the bride
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
