So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My hand turned me down
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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