shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no, he came in my armpit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
