i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
