Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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