I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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