the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
