if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
