I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
