Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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