just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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