Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
