Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
