and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
