I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
