I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize