We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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