ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize