I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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