I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
