Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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