Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
