my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
