does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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