$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
