You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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