yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
