Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
