Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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