Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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