So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
