Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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