She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
