Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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