actually, I'm a sock model
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
