I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
