You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
