Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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