Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
