I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
