Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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