K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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