apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
