He had one of those small greek statue penises
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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