i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
