She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i love accidental penises.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
