i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize