weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
