did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
