Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
