Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
