He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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