but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
