How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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