he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
