You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize