Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
