so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
