I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
