If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
