If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
