On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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