So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
