i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
