every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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