im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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