I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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