he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
