if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
