If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
