I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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