U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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