How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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