my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
