Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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