is your mom at the bar?
I didn't shave. On purpose
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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