Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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