I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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