You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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