i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
