I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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