you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
