remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
