Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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