Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
