he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
