I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize