I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
