yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
