Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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