we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
