I got chris browned last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
