Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
