Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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