Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize