Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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